Chapter 5: Lit, page 3.

Chapter 5: Lit, page 3.

You have to smack someone a whole lot before they stop acknowledging it like that.

Not to say Biggs is the one who did all the slapping.

Discussion (66)¬

  1. ABYSchan says:

    Poor, broken EJ.

  2. EatBooks says:

    Dear Biggs,

    Please don’t convince EJ to go “earn” money by prostituting himself so you can buy drugs.

    • pencilears says:

      so you too bear the power of the plot seer.
      gaze unto the foreshadowing and you will see!

      of course EJ is going to help his friend, he is a good person, and good people help their friends in times of doubt and stress, some times by selling sex to buy heroin.

      • Are we speculating on the plot now? Because if EJ tries to turn tricks with Dr. Bash, the man that he plans to rob, who lives with the crazy cult who’s member he killed… that’s a lot of crazy shit. And Ben will wind up in the middle. Will the Cook Family rescue him time?…

        • Jonboy says:

          If Dr. Bash goes for clean cut types like Ben, ethnicity aside, theres still a bit of a gulf between their general demeanors. I dont see Dr. Bash going for EJ. Too brutish and simple. Unless he’s after a bit of rough, of course. lol.

          • pyano says:

            Or unless he’s too drunk to even give a damn as long as they’re a warm human male.

        • C. Mage says:

          Cooks don’t DO “rescue”. If anything, their MO usually involves people rescuing others FROM what the Cooks do.

      • Teratomorph says:

        Another bit of foreshadowing, maybe: the zip gun on the floor in the first panel.
        Somehow I get the feeling its role isn’t quite played yet. Sure, it only fires once, but in a tight situation that may be exactly enough times.

      • r0b3rt says:

        I can’t quite agree with “good person”, but he does seem to look out very much for the ones he considers his friends…

      • ThunderGun says:

        Definitely not a good person. Loyal maybe but otherwise dumb and psychotic.

      • lky says:

        …I volunteer to be the John.

      • t3h fake says:

        Are you from Nebraska? Cuz you look like her a bit and you’re looking at that pencil like its the keys to the city.

        • pencilears says:

          nahh, thank god, I hear it’s solid cornfields and FARRRMS out there.
          I’m from the wet side of Washington.

  3. maritza says:

    I’m afraid that’s exactly what he’s doing. But I can’t blame him. He’s no longer himself.

    Silly Biggs, you’re the one who need some smack, not EJ.

  4. Elk says:

    I get the feeling that if EJ were to go along with the plan, something will go terribly wrong.

  5. Crow says:

    Aww dangit you’re gonna make me like EJ now aren’t you? I swear, Spike, you could make us sympathize with a dried-up thorn bush if you got it in your mind to make a character out of it.

    • The Joker says:

      Awww, but there’s nothing wrong with EJ *hugs EJ*. However, if Spike gets me to like that avoidant bitch Pippi, she can expect a happy contribution in the tip jar or the next ransom comic.

  6. Kerlyssa says:

    Poor Biggs.

    He tried to do good.

  7. VoidHamlet says:

    A lot of innuendo behind this page, though. ;-)

  8. Hanna says:

    So let’s see… EJ’s been abused as a kid (as we pretty much surmised), possibly sexually too, which would make it easier for him to ‘sell ass’ without feeling like a participant in the act, and either Biggs shot/strangled EJ’s abusive parent or was in some other way seen by EJ as the better option, so that’s why he’s stuck on him like a burr now.

    VoidHamlet, thanks a lot for pointing that out, cause now I got to go find my mental bleach again the delete the memory stain… XD

  9. Jerry says:

    That is one big bathroom.

  10. Missushow says:

    Now THIS is an accurate portrayal of heroin withdrawal.

    • Cyanmanta says:

      EJ might really be hurting him just by touching him; the literature suggests that Biggs is suffering from serious muscle aches and cramps right about now, and he’s probably feeling gravity a little harder than usual.

      Am I the only one who’s surprised the toilet is this big on the inside?

  11. Wendy says:

    The pictures of RL toilets like this always made it seem like they were huge. I’m buying it so far.

    Also, yes, I think we are going to end up liking EJ despite ourselves. God help us all.

  12. michelle says:

    I love how spike draws screaming text so much it’s not funny.

  13. Kat says:

    This is gonna be the chapter where everyone’s plotlines come crashing together, isn’t it?

    Also: I concur with Jerry and michelle. The lettering adds a lot.

  14. Poopinablanket says:

    Oh my God… Biggs is addicted to MONEY! EJ, you need to get Biggs some money, quick!

  15. Mordecai says:

    I’m getting Malware warnings on when I try to visit it in Safari. I’m not sure whether or not this should worry me on my mac, but I felt it behooved me to pass that along.

    • Kat says:

      My firefox is pretty twitchy about that stuff and I’m not having any warnings – it’s probably a banner add like V suggests. Try refreshing. If the malware warning gives you a specific source you might want to forward the info to Spike.

  16. Carapace says:

    Eh, I always kinda liked EJ. He’s an idiot, that’s all. I suppose now I should wonder if he was an idiot before the all the slapping…but I’ve never actually seen him do anything purposely *mean*. Stupid and shortsighted and panicky yes, but he doesn’t make my Smack!in’ hand itch the way oh, Reagan does.
    Biggs, on the other hand, is a junkie idiot. Ever so much more annoying.
    The toilet IS supposed to be wheelchair accessible, right? That would explain the size. Especially if it also has a roll in shower. Though I didn’t notice a ramp in on the outside shot; from my personal experience using a chair, yeah, that’d be totally right.
    Then again, can’t tell where the heck the door is on that thing at all..

    • Wirrit says:

      Perhaps that’s a design feature. To the observant go the spoils – or in this case, the restroom. You can never quite be sure what is and isn’t part art piece, in Templar..

  17. V. says:

    But… what you guys mean “make us like EJ”? I’ve always liked EJ
    He is so cute S2

  18. V. says:

    PS. malware alerts may come from advertising banners. I’ve had chrome stopping me from entering well know sites for poor advertiser’s choices. Mostly I just reload the page which usually brings a new add and solves the problem.

  19. SniffyTugBoat says:

    Man, in the last panel, EJ totally reminds me of a little kid.

    Sorry, just had to say it.

  20. Pheebalino says:

    Oh! Biggs is going through withdrawl! :(

  21. jonboy1987 says:

    poor EJ. poor Biggs. poor toilet.

    btw i just read the bonus comics and i want a shirt that says “and thats what the archeologists will find.”

  22. Rolland says:

    ej srsly needs to get rid of that guy

  23. SweenJM says:

    I used to do a little, but a little wouldn’t do, so the little got more and more. I just keep trying to get a little better, said a little better than before

  24. Carl-E says:

    Aw, fuck. I finally got all caught up, now I have to wait for updates…

  25. Rooster says:

    I’m going to rage bit, so step back. I can only say this in a way I am sure would be appreciated. Where the fuck is Regan! She was and is what got me hooked on this webcomic, I.E most important character ever. THat saisd I still love the comic… it’s jut been… like months… I.. I feel used. I still love the comic though…

  26. Yobar23 says:

    Oi! I finished catching up on TAZ and hate the fact that I’ve come to a page with no “Next” button.

  27. rhumob says:

    Why hast thou forsaken us??

  28. Buzzard says:

    I just now finished reading all the way through Chapter 4 and getting caught up, and so far I have yet to see any reason to ever stop punching EJ. I get that he’s damaged and it (probably) isn’t his fault, but he is a Stupid Stupid Rat Creature and I could not personally be in a room with him for more than five minutes without murdering him with a chair. Elliot is a twitching heroin junkie, for cryin’ out loud, and EJ is still more selfish and thoughtless.

    Spike constantly amazes me with her ability to fill a story with loathesome toads like Reagan, spineless twerps like Ben, and impenetrably stupid psychopaths like EJ, and still make it absolutely riveting; I can’t think of any other story in any medium that I could love this much with only two or three likeable characters in the whole thing.

  29. Hanna says:

    What’s up with no new comic in a month?

    • Casey says:

      Hanna, Spike has been working on remastering the pages for Book 4 as well as designing the book’s cover. She’ll be back! If you want more information on what Spike’s up to, check out her Twitter account:

      • Anna says:

        yeah cause that takes a whole dang month. I love Templar, but Spike is pretty effing lazy – as is actually most obvious from her twitter.

        • Buzzard says:

          Yeah! How !@#$ing dare she have any life outside of this completely free thing she puts out on the internet for everyone to enjoy! What a jerk she is for delaying a comic that you paid absolutely nothing to see. Sheesh, some people, providing free content and thinking that gives them the right to do it on their own time or something.

        • sisterscientist says:

          Dude, she’s literally redrawing all of chapter 4 for the print version, which to the best of my knowledge is her main source of income for the comic. This webpage here? Free. She doesn’t have to put any of it on the internet at all. It’s been said before and I’ll say it again: she doesn’t have to share this brilliant, funny comic with you at all–let alone for free–so quit complaining. And seriously? You’re judging someone based on their tweets? Twitter is by definition superficial in the extreme. If you’re so disillusioned, go reread the archives, or just go.

  30. mivox says:

    I was wondering the same thing, Hanna.

  31. Jonboy says:

    Dead comic? :( Nooo…

    • Carl-E says:

      Not dead, just sleeping…

    • Wirrit says:

      Not dead. Just a combination of working on the fourth templar book, and a book called Poorcraft. As near as I can tell, she’s pretty busy getting both of those done before resuming the free online stuff.

      She’ll be back afterwards, though. Maybe soon ?

  32. Kat says:

    *rolls face around on keyboard* EJ… I need a comic. You gotta get me a comic…

  33. Weirdling says:

    I too am missing Templar updates, but I console myself with knowing a new Templar book is coming out as well as the Poorcraft book. That’s 2 books she’s trying to get together for print. Considering Templar is free and she needs to pay her bills at some point, I can wait. The rolling trainwreck is worth it.

  34. Hanna says:

    I don’t do Twitter, but thanks for the answers. I’m just getting withdrawals, I guess.

    Plus I really want to see if EJ’s going to have to sell tail to get money. :-P

  35. moxicity says:

    Augh. I am aware not that I don’t blame unintelligent/ignorant/plain stupid people for being that way, being born into an uncaring and fruitless or socioeconomically “bad” place is not something you can pick and choose…

    BUT MAN I hate the fucking ignorant ass of this EJ bloke. He just makes me go AAAUGHHRHREHRALARHAGJ.

    Gettin’ mah hate on with fictional characters >:C

    • moxicity says:

      Okay, wow I garbled that first sentence what with the blinding hate and all. I actually meant to say “I am aware enough that I don’t…”etc. I CAN HAS PROOFREADING?!